Thanksgiving 2013

Seven years ago [i can't believe it has been that long] i sat in my bright orange jumpsuit hunched over a stainless steel table and wrote out my thoughts.  I was incarcerated and had little hope of seeing that situation changed for a long time to come.  Still, my heart was full of gratitude, for while my exterior circumstances were pretty lousy, i had been given a gift.  The curtain had been pulled back and i had been shown What Really Mattered.  And no one could ever take that away from me.  Here's what i wrote....

thursday, Thanksgiving day, 11/23/06

7:10 AM

i am thankful

i am thankful for...

having a God that loves me.  i know i'm never alone no matter how alone i may feel, no matter where i am.  i am loved.  i am protected.  i am cared for

having a family that loves God and loves me.  i think of the many people i have met recently who never had a family, never had that love.  my family has always loved me, no matter what i do, no matter what happens.  they come when i need them.  they suffer with me through whatever i go through.  they laugh with me.  they like me.  they appreciate me.  they don't judge me.  i am loved and accepted.  unconditionally.

my good health and safety.  i have taken this for granted for so long.  i have abused this gift repeatedly.  but it is perhaps my greatest gift.  without life, there is nothing else.  the older i get, the more precious it is, and the more i want to live.

my upbringing.  a childhood spent sheltered, studying God, growing up, learning life without fear of abuse, neglect, harm.  such a contrast to so many stories i have heard.

my mind.  i so enjoy it.  it is my greatest gift from God.  i have taken it for granted.  i have lorded it over others.  i have abused it with chemicals.  i have used it to boost my ego.  but i am so grateful for it.  with it i see so many things, and i am never really bored.

my music.  it's through my music that i see God and i communicate with him.  it is how i get me out.  when i'm in my music, i am me completely.  what a privilege.  that i'm actually not half bad at it makes it all the sweeter.

my body.  i'm tall.  i enjoy that.  i have hair and probably won't go bald.  i enjoy that too.  i'm grateful that i'm not amazingly handsome.  so few beautiful people are actually happy.  i am grateful that i hurt often.  it makes me humble and brings me closer to God.  for all its creaks and groans, my body still works quite well.  i am grateful that my fingers still bend.  that my legs still hold me up.  that my senses sense.  i can see smell taste hear feel all the wonderful things that God has placed close to me.  His world made mine.  wow.

discipline.  right now that discipline is incarceration and separation from so many people i love and a life i enjoy.  what a privilege to take a 'time out' from life.  what a gift of learning.  what a great way to see things differently, more clearly.  i am grateful for the discipline of my youth.  i was spared so much hurt.  and i felt loved because of it.  i am so thankful for the limits placed around me.  they shelter me from myself and from so many things i can scarcely imagine.

the gift of writing, creativity, expression.  i get so much from this.  i so love the look that people get when they absorb a song, or read a poem or essay, and 'get it'.  i have touched another soul directly.  it is an awesome experience.  i know it is a gift because so often i don't even know where my songs or writings actually come from.  but i enjoy it all the same.

the simple and visceral....

soft sheets and pillows

the smell of cut grass that makes me sneeze

rain.  the sound.  the smell.  the taste.

cheeseburgers.

cool wind on a hot day

iced tea

dryer fresh clothes

soft skin

a minor sixth chord in the perfect place

applause

the swish of a perfect shot

powerful engines.  the sound.  the feel.  the smell.

shampoo

a hot shower

scratching an itch

opening something new.  fighting the packaging.

ham and swiss on rye.  with guldens

that deep gorge i stood over between france and switzerland

bare feet on hardwood floors

the feel of surf

hot sun on cool skin

old car smell

new car smell

the sound feel smell look of a great guitar playing the perfect chord

the smell of love

the taste of happiness

the feel of security

the sound of serenity

the sight of the divine

and i am grateful for so many other simple things...

for plastics

for processed foods.  no more sickness

for computers and tvs and email and cellphones

for reliable cars

for wealth.  for my own unnecessary wealth.

for fast food

for central air and heat

for telephones

for car radios

for a free country without oppression

for recliners

for remote controls

for pizza delivery

for mail to anywhere

for supermarkets and 7-11

for air travel

for personal rights

for a crazy diverse wonderful world

for kick on 1, snare on 2

for poetry

for literature

for education

for velcro

for electricity

for refrigeration

i am enormously grateful that i am alive.  i love living.  i love breathing.  i love loving.  i love being loved.

i love going to church.  i love listening to music.  i love hearing sincerity.  i love being 'there' with people.  i love to laugh.  i love to cry.

i love to feel.  deeply.

i am grateful for so many things.  pen.  paper.  the ability to write.  the ability to read.

i am grateful for the past.  and the present.

i am grateful for a promising future.

i am grateful to wake up dressed in orange in a jail in lynchburg, va.

it's a great day to alive!

i am grateful that i can know how to be grateful.  what a privilege.  i can be happy anywhere doing anything.  i can see God everywhere.  in everybody.

i am living large!

thank you God for being and for loving me

happy thanksgiving!

i've come a long way...

and there ya go.  first post of the blog.  first letter in the post.  

i.

well, the blog is named after me.  or i the blog.  

nope.  this is not a chicken and egg controversy.  the blog IS named after me.  so there is no point in pretending this isn't all about me.  because it is...

Anywho, i've come a long way.  Through pits of despair, and incarceration, and capital letter eschewing, and other misfortunes all the way to Happiness, and Health, and even [gasp!] the occasional use of Capital Letters.

And so i've decided to start a blog.  and like all first-time blog posters, i'm full of hope that i'll be doing this lots and lots in the future and that no one will find this in the not too distant future in some deserted wasteland on the interwebs along with 4 other sad, abandoned orphan posts and nothing else.  But i don't have a great history of follow through.  so...

I guess we'll see.  For now i'm filled with countless fantastic ideas for sharing my wisdom and insights with the servers over there at Great and Mighty Google.  Since, let's face it, nobody else is gonna read this cra stuff.

So we'll let it go at that.  Intros are a boring topic, and i'm just not feeling like spending more time and energy trying to pretend they aren't.

See ya next post....